Well ya see...it is like this...
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regulair killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That is why you feel smarter after a couple of beers.
So me and my husband were sitting on our couch watching tv yesterday.
Suddenly, i hear that i got a text message on my phone that i left in the kitchen.
So i went to the kitchen to check my phone, and it is a text from my husband...
"please bring some chips and beer on your way back"
A friend of mine is single and goes out every Saturday.
Last Saturday evening he met a beautiful Asian woman.
As the evening went on they went to his house, to have a drink there.
And so he told me that he got an erection problem.
I asked how that was possible, you are 25 and sporty .....
..... she got one....
A young women got home from her Honeymoon and was crying/hysterical on the phone with her Mom.
"Mom" she says, "My husband has changed all of sudden now that we are home - he's started using all kinds of 4-letter words I've never heard before!!! Please, you have to come and rescue me from him!!!!!"
The Mom asks "What words is he using?"
The Women says "Words like... Cook, Iron, Dust, ....".
Some newly weds were in bed.
She asked her husband the most famous and hated question:
With how many woman did you sleep?
Husband with a smile on his face:
Only with you my dearest, with the rest i stay awake/awoke.
Visit hours hospital:
10.00 am to 11.30 am and from 04.00 to 05.00 pm.....
So some other newly weds:
She asked her husband with how many partners did you sleep?
His replay: 6, 7 incl you, and was turning of the light.
He asked his wife the same question about her male bed partners.
After a minute of silence, he asked: honey are you sleeping?
: No dear i am still counting....
A father buys a lie detector robot(powered on 18650's) that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says: "i did some schoolwork".
The robot slaps the son.
The son says: Ok, Ok..
I was at a friends house watching movies.
Dad: What movie did you watch?
Son: Toy story.
Robot: slaps son in the face.
Son: Ok Ok, we were watching porn...
Dad: What? At your age i didn't even know what porn was.
Robot: slaps dad in the face.
Mom was laughing out loud
Mom: Well, he certainly is your son.
Robot: slaps mom on her face....
The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable.
They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said: "Don't sell that cow".